One Year

One year. It’s hard to believe our Jude was born a whole year ago. At a glance, it feels like it was just a month ago I was lying in the hospital bed, deprived of sleep, watching old re-runs of “Trading Spaces” with a newborn baby in my arms. And then, I think of all that 2019 brought, and it seems that he was born five years ago.

To me, first birthdays are a celebration more of what has taken place in the year since baby was born and a celebration of the faithfulness of God from the beginning of conception to the one year mark. With both of my sons, the first birthday has made me reflect on the faithfulness God showed to me as a mama one year ago and all that’s taken place since then.

Before Jude was born, I was so worried. Worried that the hospital was an hour away. Worried about bills. Worried about how we’d all fit into our little two bedroom apartment. Worried about my ability to stay awake during the day with both babies. And now, looking back on all those things, I see how God carried me, and the family, through.

Almost a year ago, Paul and I rented a small apartment as we moved cross country. At the time, it was just what we needed. Through miraculous circumstances (and a near mental breakdown from this pregnant mama), we ended up in a two bedroom and not a one bedroom. Our house hadn’t sold, and we were a little nervous. We knew the money was going to run out soon enough, and there was no way we could pay both mortgage and rent. But God sold the house right before the baby was born, and I knew He was faithful to watch over us.

“We’ll induce you if he’s not here on your due date.” That’s what they told me at the OB when he’d yet to arrive the week before he was due. So, I set my induction date for my due date, we celebrated our final night as a family of three, took a picture, packed, and drove to stay with my in-laws who were about five minutes from the hospital. My induction was set for the cheery hour of 5:00 AM, but little man decided that he was young and independent, and no one was going to tell him what to do (much as he is now). So, I went into labor at 2:00 AM, took a shower, did my hair, and headed to the hospital. My room was ready, and little man was here a few short hours late. God knew my worries, and He took care of them all.

The baby blues hit me hard with Beau. It was horrible, especially when coupled with other life stressors. I’d asked my Bible study group to pray for me. I prayed God would deliver me from that. It was a bridge I wasn’t sure I could face again. So, I waited. I waited after Jude was born, and do you know what came? Memories. I can’t explain it to you other than that it was a flood of my best memories. Family vacations, childhood memories with my parents, etc. And I was tired, but so at peace. God knew, and He heard my prayers.

Months passed. Then, one day about eight months later, his birth story hit me from a different angle. “… heart attack…” At speeds that won’t be documented, we turned back around, after just getting home from from seeing Paul’s parents that November night, to see Paul’s dad who’d had a heart attack about ten minutes after we left. As we sat in that quiet hospital room, I looked up and saw the red, digital hospital clock. This clock was the same clock that hung in the birthing room where I’d had Jude. I remember so clearly the nurse looking at the clock as soon as Jude came and calling out the time he was born. The clock was my friend because it not only welcomed life, but it announced it. And now, there it was, a traitor. Same place, different circumstances. And yet, God was there. The Author of time Himself was there in the room with us. He was there watching over my father-in-law, and He brought him through. God was there the morning my baby was born, and made sure He was born into the earth. God never left us, and He never forsook us. God was there.

Right as the year mark approaches to Jude’s birth, I can’t help but stand in awe of who God is and what He has done. Through the events of the past year, my faith has grown so much as I’ve seen God work in ways I could not. We’re no longer in that apartment. We’re in a house God put in front of us while we weren’t looking. We have two healthy babies. I’m not having to walk up and down stairs to get groceries from my car, anymore. My kitchen has three times the counter space my apartment did. I have a permanent space to teach my online classes at. The list could go on and on.

Some people knock the trials. And if I’m honest, I do too. No one wants to go through that. But, if it weren’t for the trials, where would my faith be? If it weren’t for the fears of every day life that God swallows and conquers, would my faith be where it is now? I’d say it probably wouldn’t. Even if God didn’t do any of those things, He’d still be the faithful, all powerful, omnipresent God that He is and that I have chosen to worship because He is worthy. But I’m so glad He chose to show Himself in those moments.

So, here’s to one year. One year since my sweet boy arrived. One more year God has shown Himself to be more than faithful than I ever knew He could be.

Sweet Jude, I love you, and you’re one of my greatest blessing.